Have you ever been in a negotiation with another other party who has a fixed mindset? They are focused on one solution only, and they won’t change their mind. I call this the “where’s my lollipop?” moment. No, this isn’t related to getting candy at the bank. If you have kids or know people with kids, then you will probably catch on to what I’m talking about real quick.
You see a kid and parent in a negotiation. The kid demands a lollipop. The parent kneels down in front of them and explains all the reasons why they can’t have a lollipop. They already ate some junk food earlier. There’s red dye number five in that pop. It will spoil their appetite for dinner. Yada, yada, yada.
After the parent delivers all logical reasons as to why the lollipop isn’t the right decision, you know what happens next. The kid nods her head up and down in agreement and five seconds later says, “Uh huh. Where’s my lollipop?”
The same thing happens in dealmaking all the time. You’ve given your client or the other side of the table all the logic and facts. Except they have a fixed mindset, and they’re not giving up on their desire. They want their lollipop. As a talent agent, mediator, media attorney, and professor at the USC Gould School of Law, I teach people how to handle fixed mindsets in dealmaking. I also teach an &Then master class on dealmaking in collaboration with MadeCraft Studios and Cornerstone on Demand.
Most of the time, deals are about numbers and data, pros and cons, points and backend. They are more about reason than emotion. Other times, you will meet someone who is so emotionally attached to one outcome of a deal that logic and reason go out the window. So, what do you do when that happens? To handle a fixed mindset, I adopt a curious mindset and follow these four steps.
1. Acknowledge their viewpoint.
The first step to winning over someone who has a fixed mindset is to acknowledge their viewpoint. This acknowledgement validates that you have heard what they said and understand it is important to them.
For example, one time, I was involved in the deal with the sale of a company. I can’t say the names of the people involved or the company’s real name for privacy reasons. I’ll just call it XYZ company and the two sides client A and client B. Everything was in place, except that client A, who was selling, wanted the XYZ company name to exist after the sale. So, I validated client A and expressed my understanding about the importance of the name of the company.
2. Seek to understand.
Next, you want to find out why this one result is so important to them. Ask what would happen if they didn’t achieve this result. How would not getting this affect them?
For example, in this XYZ company sale, I asked client A what this name meant to him. Was it more important to have the name continue or for the company to sell? Was keeping the name more important than completing the deal? It turned out that XYZ was client A’s family name. The name was important to client A because his grandfather had a similar company that he lost during the Depression, and he didn’t want that to be the same thing that happened to him.
3. Get them to suggest alternatives to the deal.
Once you understand the emotional attachment to the solution, you might be able to find an alternative. Perhaps there is another way to satisfy this emotion that is tied to the one solution. Ask them if there is any other solution that could achieve the same result for them. If there is, you can work toward that solution.
So, in the sale of the company mentioned above, I asked client A if it was possible for him to sell the company to client B, as long as he could retain the name rights.
4. Know when to walk away from the deal.
Sometimes, the party is so attached to the one outcome in a deal that there is no way around it. After you have reasoned logically and touched in emotionally, and the person still won’t change their demand for a lollipop, the only solution is to walk away.
Sometimes, walking away will get the person to come back to the table if they realize the deal will be lost. Other times, it’s the best move for you because you can spend your time and effort on a new deal that will be successful.
In this company sale, client A couldn’t get past divorcing his company name from the company he built. The deal fell through. So, client B and I walked away that time. We went out to find a better-priced company with a client who wasn’t attached to the company name.
Every once in a while, you will have a client in a deal who wants their lollipop. When reason fails, you need to go deeper. When going deeper doesn’t work, you need to walk away. How do you handle clients who want their lollipop?
This article was originally published by Inc Apr. 11, 2025.