Give without expecting anything in return, or people will think your generosity is a ploy.
If you want to get things in life, you need to give your love, attention, loyalty, and affection. Business is the same. If you want to close deals, make sales, and generate new contracts, you need to give things too.
It doesn’t matter whether you’re negotiating a multi-million-dollar deal, applying for your first job, or trying to make a sale. You will get more by giving first. Same if you want a special relationship with someone—it’s about giving and then, maybe, getting.
The power of giving
I learned the power of giving as a kid growing up in the streets and later as an entrepreneur. Social researchers refer to this as the rule of reciprocity. If you read the book Influence by my mentor, respected guru, and friend Robert Cialdini, you’ll know reciprocity is one of the strongest influences on human behavior. People feel an obligation to help the people they feel like they owe.
Practicing generosity has helped me negotiate, land jobs, get into colleges, and gain entry to prestigious clubs, among other things. As a talent agent, media attorney, and professor at USC Gould School of Law, I teach my students and clients how the habit of being generous can help their business and negotiations. I’m also working on a new book, TILT the Room, coming out in 2026, which explains how you can use timing, influence, leverage, and trust to negotiate better.
Here are a few ways you can practice generosity.
Give gifts.
The classic gesture of reciprocity is giving gifts, like getting a free candy sample when you walk into See’s Candies. It gets you to buy more. According to Cialdini, the most effective gifts are meaningful, unexpected, and customized to the recipient. However, if you don’t know someone well, do some research, and you’ll find an unexpected gift is best.
One time, I gave an unexpected gift and it came back to help me in a big way. I was at a luxurious resort during the Covid-19 pandemic, doing some business. While I was talking to the general manager, I met his children. I have kids, too, and mentioned some coloring books we had at the office from a famous Pixar team member. Later, I mailed his kids some of the coloring packs.
It wasn’t a business ploy. I didn’t leave a number or anything. However, the next time I saw the general manager, he thanked me. Then, three years later, when I was up for a special membership, he was on the committee. The rest is confidential. You can probably guess what happened.
Give information.
A little self-disclosure and honesty in a negotiation can open the other party up to give you insights and information that will help. When I’m on the phone with a client or in a meeting, I’ll drop some information to start. It helps get the negotiation started.
It can also land you a job. Once, I applied for a real estate job. Unfortunately, I had a blemish from my teenage years. Long story, and you’ll have to read my book for the details.
When the owner was interviewing me for the position, I said, “There’s something I need to share with you. And just so you know where this is going, I’ve got a checkered past. It was many years ago when I was a teenager, and I made some bad decisions and even worse friends. Suffice it to say, I learned my lesson. Today, government organizations have approved me to be licensed, and I’m licensed in good standing.”
Giving that information got me the job. He trusted me because I was transparent and told him something he never could have found out on his own. This actually made the trust stronger.
Give your time.
Sometimes, giving your time and attention can reward you. For example, if you give respect, you will get respect. If you give attention, you will get attention back. I like to arrive early at negotiations and give my time, which lets people give back a little of themselves to me.
It works well when trying to convince someone to give you a chance. One time, I was trying to get into an MBA program. Unfortunately, I had some gaps in my education due to my past. Despite my years of business experience, I didn’t look like a good candidate on paper.
So I gave my time to the recruiter. I found out the admission counselor was visiting Los Angeles from Boston. I rented a limo, brought a cool friend/date, and took the counselor to dinner and a show, where one of my friends was getting an award. The counselor had a great time and got to know me well. It was kind of like Risky Business and the college acceptance guy, except that night with me was tamer.
Still, it was fun—a limo, fancy dinner, and champagne did not go wrong. Two weeks later, I received an admissions letter stating that I had been accepted.
There are lots of ways to give in business. The idea is to give without expecting anything in return, or people will think your generosity is a ploy. I’ve made my generosity a habit because it always comes back to me in a good way. And you should, too.