If you want to get a better deal, treat everyone with respect.
In negotiations, people often forget about the people on the other side of the table. You know what you want out of a deal, an ask, or a venture transaction. The question is, do you understand what the other side of the table needs? What floats their boat? What’s their sweet spot? Do you know their passions or
If you don’t know what they want, you’re likely going to lose that deal or negotiate a poorer one for yourself. Understanding the other side of the table has helped me hundreds of times, from settling a multi-million dollar lawsuit for less than a million to opening a bank they said would never get a charter in an underserved area. On a daily basis, understanding the other side prevents me from being ripped off by shady contractors and charlatans.
Understanding the other side is something everyone can learn. As a talent agent, corporate, tech, and media attorney, and professor at USC Gould School of Law, I teach my students and clients how to understand the other side of the table when negotiating. I’m also working on my new book, TILT the Room, coming out in 2026, which explains how you can use Timing, Influence, Leverage, and Trust to better negotiate.
Here are three ways you can understand the other side.
1. Listen to what they say and how they say it.
People don’t always know what they want. Maybe they think they want one thing when they really want another. That’s why you need to listen to what they say and how they say it.
One time, I was in a class-action lawsuit that looked like it could be a $14,000,000 decision against us. We had long strategy meetings with lawyers and bankers to figure out how to settle this thing and avoid going out of business. We were beyond stressed, as was our client, who was also a close friend.
That’s when I learned the value of listening to what people were not saying. That is how they said things. Once we spoke with the other side, we kept hearing a passion in their voice as they discussed something that was bothering them. From this, we discovered that the claimant felt disrespected by one of the supervisors, who was acting inappropriately.
When we discovered that problem, we agreed to fire the supervisor and require training for all supervisors. Suddenly, the other side was directing the attorneys and other class members to settle for $500,000. You can save yourself a lot of headaches and millions of dollars by listening to how people say things, not just what they say.
2. Spend time in the community you do business in.
Just because you want to do business in a location doesn’t mean the community wants your business. I learned this the hard way when setting up a bank with some partners and investors in Oxnard, California
We thought we were offering a great banking service to the community. The community, on the other hand, thought we were carpetbaggers trying to steal from them. Our bank would have died had we not immersed ourselves there. Our chairman and I bought homes in Oxnard and became community residents. To be frank, it wasn’t my strategy to live there. Like many things I learned, it came by accident. I moved there because of a new romantic relationship.
My girlfriend was an Oxnard resident, Latina, and a respected member of the community. I learned more and assimilated, which I enjoyed on a personal level. It also helped me gain more credibility. We attended festivals, quinceañeras, baptisms, and church meetings, and we volunteered at the Mexican Consulate.
Living in the community helped me better understand it and what it needed. A good amount of opposition to the bank fell away when they saw me as an ally, not an opportunist. If you want to do business in a different community, take time to get to know the place and people.
3. Treat everyone with respect, even bad actors.
Sometimes negotiating a better deal is avoiding a worse one. This can be especially true when dealing with bad actors. While working in New Mexico, I was involved in a mall that needed paving. Unfortunately, a group of contractors in the area was running a parking lot paving scam. These contractors would quote a price and then later ask for more. If you didn’t pay their increased price, they would leave piles of asphalt on your parking lot.
When they attempted this ploy for the shopping center I was helping, I tracked the bad contractors down. I explained how important it was to fix things with the shopping center owners and that I was concerned the paving company’s reputation would be damaged if they continued like this. I offered to refer their company to a few other shopping centers if they removed the asphalt from ours.
They came back and fixed it right away because I didn’t embarrass or threaten them. I treated them with respect.
If you want to get a better deal in your negotiation, treat everyone with respect, even if you don’t feel they deserve it. By listening to how people say things, learning about their community, and giving respect, you’ll find that you can negotiate better deals for you and your company. What do you do to understand the other side?